tales of a girl in the city

juillet 13, 2004

The Great Penis Epiphany

In yet another moment of genius, last night over martinis Emily proclaimed the following:

"There are two ways to love a penis."

Emily is like The Buddha.

Because Emily and I have been friends for almost eight years now, it shouldn't surprise me when she brings forth these jewels of wisdom. By now I should be accustomed to her sage proclamations, and should just grab a scroll, write them down, burn some incense, and find a village boy to rub her belly. (Her belly, by the way, which is flat, toned, and has an awesome six-pack. Kind of a belly-cross between the bellies of "Giselle Bundchen" and "Anna Kornikova." I feel sure she would want me to clarify.)

Anyway, as Emily sat there, perched on her bar stool, looking at me knowingly from over the top of her Mangotini, I knew she had just hit on something big.

Suddenly all was light and illumination: There are two ways to love a penis.

But the innocent Kathryn did not entirely grasp the meaning of Emily's great wisdom. Kathryn placed another Mangotini before Emily and entreated her to take it. Emily smiled and began to drink the Mangotini, thenceforth to be called The Nectar Which Brought Forth The Great Penis Epiphany And That Also Happens To Come With A Cool Little Teeny Plastic Mermaid Hanging Off The Rim.

Emily sat in a meditative mood.

"You can love the penis," said Emily, "because you love the man that it is attached to."

"Or," Emily continued, "you can love the penis as a penis itself. As an entity separate from the man."

This, indeed, is the noble truth.

And Emily is the best friend ever.