100 Things. Re: Moi. Part VI: More College, Because...Why Not?

51) My dorm room freshman year had a soporific effect on all who entered. It was known as "The Womb" partly for this reason, and partly because we had deep red curtains.

52) My First-Year Seminar Professor somehow made wearing one long parrot earring seem very hip. Her peculiar accessory choice was one of the first things that made me understand that in New York City--unlike in Wisconsin--there would be more to shopping than just The Gap.

53) Junior Year I kissed a boy just to get him out of my room. He was a math major and a distant relative of both Ulysses S. Grant and Daniel Boone. He kissed like a math major. Algebraic. Points and Angles.

54) I went dancing by myself. Not often, but more than once.

55) The Drunkest I've Ever Been: Junior Year. I locked myself INTO my room (by leaving the key jammed into the lock on the outside of the door). Because I was the Resident Advisor I couldn't call campus security. So I scribbled "Help" on a piece of paper and slid it underneath the door when I heard people coming down the hallway. I also called all of my friends and left them drunken "Send Help" phone messages that I think they recorded and will probably end up playing at my wedding.

56) I had a love/hate relationship with a homeless woman who lived near campus. She would say, "Do you have any change?" I would say, "Not today, sorry." She would say, in all seriousness, "I'll take a check," and then hand me a pen.

57) My favorite thing to do on Saturdays was wake up and have an egg and cheese sandwich with my best friend, Emily. The bagel place down the street stopped serving egg and cheese sandwiches on weekends at 4 PM. Senior year I went a lot of weekends without getting up in time for an egg and cheese sandwich.

58) I couldn't have picked my "Groups and Symmetry" Professor out in a line-up, even while I was "taking" the class. It was the class I chose to fulfill my math requirement. Number of times I went? < 5. Or is it > 5 ? Whatever. If I'd gone more than five times, I guess I'd know.

59) I spent entire afternoons crafting single paragraphs of my Senior Thesis on Oscar Wilde's Salome. My advisor stopped me on the street after I'd handed it in to say it was the best thesis she'd ever received. I suck at anything that might actually make me a decent living, but I'm a fuckin' demon when it comes to writing long-winded papers on abstract, dramatic texts.

60) You know that nightmare you have where you haven't been to class all semester, and you've not done any of the reading, and the final is tomorrow so you had planned to stay up all night studying, but then you accidentally fall asleep, and wake up fifteen minutes before the exam starts? Happened.