David? Do You Know Who David Is? I Don't Know Who David Is, Do You?

"Who is David," you ask?

Ahh. Well. That, my friends, is a story that can be best told....AS A MUSICAL!!!!!!!!!

Cue upbeat, toe-tapping, rock/pop-opera drum beat. Cue piano and guitar. Cue mouth-harp.

*Curtain Rises*

Cue: Me, Center Stage. Obviously. Surrounded by All Of You Guys looking awesome and wearing lots of glitter and neat-o jazz shoes.

**During this next part, you guys should feel free to do cartwheels and/or splits pretty much whenever you feel like it. We'll work out the details in rehearsal.**

**Oh. Also, lots of high-kicks**

**And those cool running-jumps across stage.**

**But, one more thing. Everyone, BE CAREFUL. Don't hurt yourselves. I spent the understudy budget on my costume for the next scene. Sorry.**

"Ladies and Gentlemen, I know we'd all much rather forget it, but, remember Valentine's Day? {{*You Guys Begin "Doo-Wop's"*}} The acrid taste of love gone wrong? {{*Shu-Wop*}} Feeling so sick, been in bed far too long? {{*Sheh-Bop*}} WELL, that's why I'm here, to...sing...you...this...SOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOONG!

***HUGE musical swell here! Cue entire orchestra! Cue major scenery change! Cue live animals! Cue helicopter! Cue Jennifer Lopez! Cue Jets, cue Sharks, cue Von Trapp Family Singers! And for God's sake, someone CUE THE ORPHANS!***

Now!! Everyone! Orphans especially!! Audiences love to see kids without parents dance! OK! 5-6-7-8! And, Kick-Turn! Kick-Turn! Step! Down! Up! Over! Up! --Point those toes-- And Pivot! Pivot! Pivot Again! (--Now, which way are we facing? Shit--) One More! And Grapevine, 2-3-4! And SMILE, 8-9-10! And. Run-ning. Man. To-Your. Pla-ces. For-the. Big Fi-nal-e NOW!!!

Ok, People! Hang on to your top hats! This is IT!!!

CUE THE BUTTERFLIES AND LOCUSTS!!!!!!!

AND............Kick-Turn-Leap-Splits-Back-Flip-Roll-Chop-Dice-Jump-Parry-Thrust-Kick-Toss-Turn-Hula-Hoop-And-Go-Stop-Go-Turn-Kick-Spin-Dive-And-Up-And-Dig-Dig-Faster-Faster-Triple-Sow-Cow-Hand-Jive-Pick-Up-Your-Neighbor-Put-Him-Down-And-Twist-And-Sit-And-Stand-And-Run-Around-In-Circles-Til-The-Orphans-Start-To-Cry-And-Then-Keep-Going-People-Don't-Stop-And-Fluff-Gently-Serve-Cold-And-Gallop-Spit-Whistle-Fall-Roll-Again-Get-Up-Strip-Wave-Put-Left-In-Shake-About-Do-Hokey-Turn-Around-And-Thennnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnn-

Crumple Dramatically.
________________________________________________


Ok. *panting* Enough of that. *more panting* Way. *pant* Too. *Pant* COMPLICATED. *Pant-pant*

I met David on Valentine's Day when I went out after being sick. Couldn't stay in. Felt very skinny as a result of the flu. Went to gay bar with friend, Steve. Felt like being at gay bar on Valentine's Day was too depressing, even for me. Left gay bar. Headed towards super trendy, brings-the-outdoors-indoors bar in Meat-Packing District. Danced with Steve and his Strange And Silent Group Of Foreign Girl Friends. Was attempting to talk to one of the SASGOFGF's when suddenly....

Turned head to look at handsome Boy walking by. Not-Very-Observant But Still Very Handsome Boy doesn't notice. NVOBSVH Boy's Brilliant Superstar Rhodes Scholar Mensa-Member Friend sees my head turn and physically turns Boy around and points him in my direction. Boy does a double take. Approaches. Says, smiling,

"Do you have a navel ring?"

To which I reply, "No. But I have a navel."

Game on.

The rest I'll tell you next time.

And, by the way, Guys. Nice kick-turns.