Blech

First things first.

Though the little viruses currently making my throat hurt and my head spin, may think that they've won by ruining my DAY OFF, what they don't know is that I'm totally calling in sick on Thursday, even if I'm feeling great. So bottom line is that I win, little viruses. Not only because I won't let you ruin my day off, but also because I have opposable thumbs.

Secondly, so here I am sitting on the couch and reading Vanity Fair when I come upon an article about Kimora Lee Simmons, wife to hip-hop mogel Russel Simmons. The article is titled "Unbearable Fabulosity." It's all about how much everyone envies Kimora Lee. They envy her for her clothing line, her perfume line, her make-up line, her upcoming line of Barbie dolls, her celebrity husband, her ridiculous collection of clothes and handbags, etc., etc. The thesis of the article, as far as I can tell, is "Fuck, yeah! Listen up, women everywhere, Kimora Lee Simmons is awesome."

But, it's not all unbearable fabulosity for Ms. Simmons. There are some hurdles to climb as well. For example, apparently, "bitches" are always trying to "rub their boot[ies] in [Russel's] face." My favorite quote about Kimora's plight to keep her husband is when she says, while lying on a beach, "Let me take off my glasses, I want you to see my eyes. I will beat a bitch's ass."

Even through her pain, Ms. Simmons is eloquent.

My next favorite quote is when she compares herself to Coretta Scott King.

My last favorite part is right after that when she brags about being anorexic.

This article has made me love Kimora Lee Simmons. There really is so much there to envy.

I'm going to go throw up now.