tales of a girl in the city

décembre 29, 2003

Where Does Snot Come From?

I am serious about this. Count it as yet another of the universe's cruel jokes. We've been given the ability to endlessly produce one thing with absolutely no effort, and that thing turns out to be utterly disgusting and totally useless.

Cruel world.

I shouldn't complain overly much, however. Because of what will go down in history as The Christmas Flu Miracle, I did not have to sing a Celine Dion duet with my high school boyfriend at my high school best friend's wedding in Wisconsin.

My Christmas Flu Miracle did not save me from having the following conversation with my high school boyfriend (who is a pompous ass and an opera singer) at the wedding reception:

Me: Hey.

HSBF: So how did I sound?

Me: At the wedding? ( the wedding that happened four hours ago?)

HSBF: Of course.

Me: Umm. Great. Introduce me to your date.

HSBF: This is Melissa. So the balance was fine?

Me: Yeah. Sounded great. So, Melissa, what do you do?

HSBF (scanning my face to gauge my reaction): She lives in France with her mom.

Me (not very impressed): Wow.

HSBF: I'm glad to hear the balance was fine.

Me: Yeah. It was. The whole thing was just really, really well-balanced.

HSBF: Good. 'Cause, you know I really had to hold back. Stood as far as possible from the mike. Tried to reign myself in--the voice is getting so big, and powerful and all. Wasn't easy.

Me: That's. Wow. That's great. If you two will excuse me, I have to run blow my nose.

Don't worry, I coughed on him several times.